So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
