Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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