i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
