My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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