I smell stomach acid.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize