he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
