Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
