If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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