Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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