3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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