I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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