Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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