i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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