you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
