I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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