Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
