toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
