i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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