Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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