margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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