I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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