I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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