I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do herpes really smell.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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