oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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