your thong is hanging out like whoa
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
