your parents love me but you hate me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
