I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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