It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
