who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
