even my farts smell like vagina
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
