Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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