i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
