why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
