My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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