Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
