Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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