it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's never too late to be topless.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize