Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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