im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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