My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
