I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
