he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
