ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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