May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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