Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
