fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
