He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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