when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize