Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
