so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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