his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
