we have officially mastered the walk of shame
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
this is an emotional support booty call
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
