So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
