theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
