just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize