Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
