I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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