please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
