the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
