those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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