guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I would fuck him just for his dog
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