I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
