she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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