So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
