Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize