wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
