Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
