I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize