Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize