Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
