she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize