So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize