Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
