remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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