I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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