My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
