its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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