Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
