Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize