Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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