Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize