Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
