Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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