that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
