What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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