i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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