her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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