as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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