Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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