Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
