Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
