Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
