Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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