They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize