I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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