Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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