I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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