There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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