Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
