i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
