I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
