trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
