You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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