Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
